I have just finished a week at work and my mind is full. I struggle to relax for a good hour or so after. Today I lay on the sofa and get a cuddle of my boyfriend. I can barely keep my eyes open and the idea of having to make a meal seems too much right now, so my boyfriend cooks.
I want to go to bed now and see how long I can sleep for. I find it difficult to switch off. The thoughts of the day just whizz around my mind and it’s exhausting. It’s a windy, rainy day so I cover myself in a blanket and get cosy.
I love the summer heat but autumn is the best. It’s still August and there’s an autumnal feeling in the air today. My two favourite seasons are summer (only when it’s hot and sunny) and autumn. Sunbathing outside listening to the sounds of nature or being cosy inside on a cold autumnal evening…perfect.
The nights are starting to get darker earlier. I long for the leaves to fall off the trees and to hear the crunch underneath my feet; to wear my favourite woolly hat and knee high boots. There’s something special about autumn. Halloween is my favourite day of the year as well as bonfire night. When the cold air fills my lungs I get a sense of nostalgia for all the years previous. I feel like a kid again every time September and October roll around. I love seeing the bright lights of the shop windows in town when it’s dark and the fairy lights that decorate the trees of peoples gardens.
I like getting wrapped up warm and feeling cold but knowing I’ll be in a warm house soon. Log burners at friends houses and the smell of hot chocolate (not that I drink it) but I associate smells with the cold crisp air. It relaxes me. I could watch fire burning for hours. Bonfire night is a dream. Most years I attend a big display. My mum makes hot dogs with fried onions and we watch the fireworks. We ‘ooh and ahh’ as they explode. It’s cold but we don’t feel it when we look up and see the lights in the sky. We then head to the bonfire. The smell of the wood burning fills the air and instantly the heat hits you. This year I imagine it will be different, like everything. It won’t be the same but hopefully the same feelings of nostalgia will be present.
With the seasons being affected by climate change, it’s hard to know when summer will be over; when we will stop having the occasional boiling day. I love real seasons. Going to places that are hot in the summer and cold in the winter. If Australia ever comes off for us, it will seem very odd having seasons flip and a hot Christmas?! My birthday is in December and up until I was 25 I have always experienced it cold. Having my 25th birthday on the hottest of Thai days was very surreal.
The weather definitely impacts on my mood. As much as I love autumn and winter I do feel like seasonal affective disorder gets to me during colder times. The summers sun really makes me happy. I feel lighter in the summer. More free. But when winter comes around, my mood alters. I get more anxious, especially around my birthday. If it was up to me I wouldn’t celebrate my birthday, but because I have always been brought up to do so it’s just stuck. I love other people’s birthdays. I get excited for them to open gifts and to celebrate with them. But for me, I hate the attention.
But for right now, it’s technically still summer so I’m praying for more sun just for a little bit longer.