I’ve just done a very lovely and very calming zoom meditation class and I feel inspired to write.
I light a candle or two and sit on the sofa after being on the floor relaxing and breathing. Part of me wants to carry on with my evening as I normally would, watching some intense crime series on Netflix. But there’s a larger part, a more prominent part of me that just wants to be, in this moment. I say ‘be in this moment’ and I mean to just be settled and relaxed and appreciative of where I am, physically and mentally. I hear the candles flickering and the rain tapping on my window and I feel content. This feeling stays for a time. I feel at peace and at one with myself.
After a few minutes feeling like this, I start to create a scenario of feeling like this forever. Feeling calm and free within myself. I then feel frustrated. This feeling creeps in as I am still sat in the same position writing this. The frustration is building the more I let my mind accept this feeling. Frustration has entered because I have let it. I desire calm and peace and happiness in life and these emotions and states of mind are unable to show me their full potential because of my mind. It’s not a sadness that I’m experiencing, it’s purely frustration and desperation. I want to be free to accept these feelings to feel whole within myself but it’s not that easy or simple. Life gets in the way. I hate that phrase. ‘Life gets in the way’. Why can’t life be the road in which we travel, not the reason for us stopping to feel anything else. I want life to be the way forward not a traffic light on red. I’m waffling. I probably make no sense with these words but my mind has opened since meditating and this is the result.
I inhale as I remain sat, almost laid on the sofa. I focus on my breathing to calm my mind once again. I have to remember, to accept where I am in this moment. That right now this is where I am and that’s okay. Frustration with the state of the world and my world that I put myself in, is just how it is. This feeling will pass and tomorrow will come and go.
I look around my living room to feel grounded again. The candles crackle and the rain continues to tap. My mind has settled again. I am at peace and feel calm.