Conversations with Myself

Am I okay?

More or less. Sometimes I don’t really want to answer this question fully, like I’ve mentioned in a previous post. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have the time to answer such a complex question. That’s mad isn’t it, referring to a 3 word question as complex?! But it really is. Some days I’m in a great mood and feeling totally positive. Other days not so much. Some days one thing will trigger a negative outlook for the rest of the day. Other days I don’t let this happen. Right now as I write this, yes I am okay.

Am I where I want to be?

Not really. Well kind of. With Covid disturbing my plans to be travelling around Australia, my answer is no. I should be in Australia right now. Getting ready to celebrate a hot Christmas! But instead I’m still living in my flat and working in the same job. So I have to face this reality. Although I’m not in Australia, I am in the same country and within a 10 minute drive to my baby niece. So then my answer is yes. I am where I want to be because she is where I want to be. If I had gone to Australia in July I would have missed my little niece growing up in the first year of her life. So for that I am happy.

Am I satisfied?

No. Simply put. Nothing to really say on that one but this is a blog post so I’ll dive a little deeper. To me satisfaction would mean I was totally and unquestionably, where I wanted to be in life. I would be doing what I wanted to be doing and I would be physically where I wanted to be. I am not satisfied with the life I am living. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fine. But when does fine start becoming great? For me that would be living. Simply put. Just living the life I feel deep inside my bones. The life that I have been yearning for for most of my life. My dad was in the travel industry for all of my childhood. He would tell me stories of his adventures in Africa and the amazing sights he had seen in the Caribbean. This is where my desire to see and experience a bigger world then what I was used to, came from. So until I am travelling and visiting places and exploring different cultures, I am not satisfied.

Am I motivated?

I feel inspired recently to start doing more of what I’m into and more of what I want to potentially pursue in the future. I am really enjoying writing these posts. I find it like therapy almost. A way of releasing what spins round in my head, and putting it down.

I’m also enjoying the TEFL course I am doing at the moment. I feel like gaining this new skill and qualification will hopefully benefit me in the future when it comes to travelling and working too.

I am motivated right now as I lay on my sofa watching TV and dreaming about future travels. I am motivated but with Covid I am stuck. This has its advantages. I am saving money by not going anywhere. I am gaining more clarity about what is important to me in life as I can’t go anywhere. I am cherishing the moments with family and friends, virtually more than physically. I am growing in love with my partner as our flat has become our home.

Am I proud of myself?

Yes. My confidence has grow a lot recently. I have stopped biting my nails, and therefore I have controlled the part of my anxiety that fed on this. I have gained my qualification as a professional pharmacy technician and at work I am able to speak confidently about the knowledge I have.

I believe in myself more, so yes I am proud.

Check in with yourself. You may find the answers don’t quite satisfy your goals or wishes for where you are right now. This is okay. We are in a pandemic. Life is tough and incomparable right now. Don’t be disheartened. We will get through this. And then maybe your answers will match to your true desires.

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