Here I am again.
I lay on my rug. My candle is burning. My fairy lights are twinkling.
Another meditation class done and I feel so relaxed.
I have decided I want to learn more about meditation. I do it quite regularly but I’ve never researched into it or read up on the benefits. I know firsthand what the benefits are to me but I just want to learn more.
Breath work is so soothing and comforting. Being in tune to how my body feels when I breathe makes me feel so calm. Deep breaths, holds and long releases really do my mind some good. The peace I feel when I have slowed my breathing down is incomparable.
This relax state I feel right now is so needed on a Monday after work and the start of the week.
Monday’s have always brought about dread for me. Throughout my life I have experienced major Sunday blues. The feeling of incoming panic and awareness that Monday’s do not fill me with joy. At school I would always long for Saturdays. The time of the week when I could just be me and do as I pleased (in the confines of being a teenager that is). This same feeling still stays with me now. Most weekends I don’t work so I can enjoy me time and doing the things I love and get fulfilment out of. When Sunday’s come though, there is a feeling of approaching doom; knowing that this joyful free time is coming to an end.
What a depressing sentiment that is! Why should Sunday blues exist? Why should Monday’s fill us with anxiety or stress? Surely this isn’t sustainable. I don’t want my life to be free just for a couple of days. Why is this the societal norm? Living for the weekend shouldn’t be just the way it is. For me the dread of work is always much stronger than actually being there. I build the negativity up on a Sunday and usually when Monday ends I realise it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I’m lucky. I do enjoy my job. It’s not what I pictured when I imagined my life at this age but I am proud of my job, it’s rewarding. I’m proud of myself for getting to the position I’m in now and for sticking with it.
But this doesn’t mean I don’t want more from life. A 9-5 life for the rest of my life is definitely not what I picture. For me success doesn’t have to do with your job, or how much you earn. Being success for me, is about being happy. Success shouldn’t be measured in how much money comes into your bank account each month. This isn’t fulfilling. Yes people can be successful in their career but I wouldn’t want that to be the only sense of achievement in my life. If a career defines you then surely you have lost your sense of self; the unique qualities that make you you and not just part of the machine.
I aim to be happy and totally fulfilled in life, that can’t be too much to ask for, surely.