Collection of Thoughts II

Creativity

I have this desire to have a creative life. I’m not artistic, I can’t sing or dance (it’s been awhile), I can’t draw or paint but I like to write.

A couple days ago at 6am and I was in bed and a whole story came into my mind. I suddenly had characters and a storyline. I knew everyone’s back story, everyone’s name, where it was set. I kept repeating everything over and over in my head so I wouldn’t forget anything. As soon as my boyfriend woke up I told him everything. I didn’t want to forget anything so I voice recorded myself. I spoke the story in it’s entirety, all before 8 o’clock in the morning! 10 hours later I had 3000 words down on my phone notes! I was so hyped! I even started looking at new laptops specifically for writing this book. I was obsessed!

The next day I called my mum for a daily catch up, I told her about the story and saying it out loud again just didn’t have the same impact on me as it had done the previous day. So I’ve stopped writing it. I’ve given myself a break from it, to come back to it later with a fresh set of eyes.

I love the idea of being a writer. It’s always been in the back of my mind to pursue but I’ve never really done anything to make it happen. Writing these posts is as close to becoming a writer as I’ve gotten.

When I was younger I used to make up stories all the time. My imagination was abundant. I like to think it still is, but it’s just dormant for the time being.

Books

I’ve never been a big reader really. It takes me awhile to get hooked with stories. However I’m using my Kindle again and I have started reading Salt Slow by Julia Armfield, which is a collection of short stories. I’m really enjoying it. I’m currently on the 4th story of the book, so almost half way through I think.

The next book on my list is Richard Osman’s The Thursday Murder Club. I am intrigued by the story, which involves a group of retirees meeting every Thursday to investigate unsolved murders! And anyone that knows me, knows I love a good crime show so maybe I’ll love a crime story.

My favourite book is The Hobbit. I first read it when I was about 18, then again when I was around 23. I think it’s probably the only book I’ve ever read twice.

I have Audible too with around 20 books in my library. I find it soothing listening to someone tell me a story. It takes me back to childhood. I find it easier listening to books than reading them myself sometimes.

Stephen Fry narrating the Harry Potter books really brought me back to a sense of nostalgia. I must confess I’ve only read the first book and that was years ago! But I am a big fan of the films! But because the films can only be a couple hours long, they miss out quite a lot of the story that I never knew until I listened to Stephen Fry read the series in their entirety so eloquently.

The Help is up there with my favourites also. It is one of my favourite films and the book is amazing too. But listening to the audiobook really made me feel the characters more, to understand them and empathise as much as I can.

Meditation

I realise I write a lot about meditation but I am in no way an expert, I purely practise it.

I first got into mediation by doing it myself. I would put calming music on and just lay or sit comfortably, and then focus on breathing. I would do this for up to an hour each time, just listening to the music and breathing slowly especially when I felt stressed or anxious. The results were instant. It’s the magic of breathing. The most natural thing in the world, is so powerful.

Most weeks I will do guided meditation in a class on Zoom lead by lovely yogi and mindfulness queen. I find these classes so important to my weekly self care rituals. The teacher uses affirmations to calm and encourage the mind to love itself. We as humans rarely take time to actually support ourselves and tell ourselves we are important and we are loved. Affirmations really are significant to self love and self care. I don’t stand in front of the mirror everyday and repeat kind words to myself, but when I hear these affirmations in mediations they really speak to me.

A friend recommended the app Balance to me. This is a guided meditation and mindfulness app. And I love it. It’s really easy to use and although the sessions are pretty short I still find the benefit because they teach different techniques. There are also ‘singles’ which are sessions that target specific issues that one might have, for example, sleep, relationships, eating, frustration etc. The teachers have really calming voices too which is so important with meditation.

Support

I am currently suffering with a trapped nerve in my neck brought on by a slipped disc. So I’m off work trying to rest and ensure I don’t do anything to make it worse. In other words I’m either in bed, on the sofa or on the floor, watching tv or sleeping throughout the day. The pain is intense. It started in my neck on the right side and has now spread over to my left and the upper part of my back. I have tingling in my hands, arms and feet, which makes them ache. Even writing this post is tricky for my hands. I know things could be worse. In this climate, I’m very aware that my problems are tiny compared to many others.

But what has really helped me is the support of my partner. We’ve been together for over 9 years and he is my best friend. I think in long term relationships is so easy to take your other half for granted. I do this all the time. But when I physically can’t do certain things, it’s then that I remember how supportive he is. Which sounds awful, but it is true. Having the support of loved ones is so impactful for healing. It makes my heart sad that Covid has meant that people don’t have the support of their families and friends. That the people suffering the most can’t see their loved ones. I couldn’t even imagine what that must be like. And yet the sense of gratitude returns because I have that, and I am so grateful.

Why is that the case, that gratitude for people or situations comes about most when something bad has happened? An illness, an injury, a pandemic? It brings about a sense of perspective I guess. But I believe it’s important to truly appreciate what we have and who positively impacts our lives regardless of the situation. I’m going to work on this.

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