It’s been awhile.
As I lay down on my living room floor after finishing the first meditation class I’ve done in a number of weeks, I find myself struggling to find the words.
I’ve been a little inconsistent with blogging recently and I realise there’s definitely a correlation between blog productivity and meditation. I haven’t blogged in awhile because I haven’t meditated. I’ve written about this before, how I find inspiration in meditating.
My thoughts seem more tangible and more easy to define, if that makes sense; so writing becomes easier. Meditation allows me to feel settled, for my thoughts to slow and become clearer. This in turn helps me write.
I can’t say I’ve been too busy to meditate because let’s be real, meditation isn’t a chore. It’s not something you need to pressure yourself to do, it should be something that you want to do and feel like in that moment, it’s what you need. So realistically I’ve just been lazy (without being too hard on myself). But it’s true. I’ve been too consumed in distractions that really don’t benefit me in any way really. I’ve been binging television programmes or I’ve simply forgotten to take care of myself. And that’s what meditation is for me. It’s my time to take care of me. And I’ve missed it.
I find myself more renewed and less busy in my brain. My mind feels freer and more able to cope.
As I breathe in and out and feel my chest and belly moving with the breaths, I feel at one with myself. Although I’m a little out of practise more recently, I still feel that sense of relief and oneness. I missed that.
Sometimes we can get distracted from ourselves and self care. We can become too bogged down with other things that take over our thoughts or our evenings. Sometimes we need that reminder or that boost to really look after ourselves.
I find meditation and even simply turning down the lights and closing my eyes, to really change my mood. The stresses of the day just start to fade and I’m with myself again.
It can be hard to remember how to be alone with ourselves. How to fully disconnect and just switch off. To not think about anything but the breaths. It can feel foreign if it’s been awhile or if it’s the first time but getting into it again can be so magical.
I just drift off but stay completely present. I feel full but then totally hollow and new again.
It’s something but like nothing before.
It’s calming and peaceful. It’s warming and soft. I just can’t get enough. I’m glad to be back.